Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard. These funny quotes and hilarious sayings will make you laugh. Read and share these funny quotes from famous comedians, actors, authors, TV shows, and movies. Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.
Famous funny guy Charlie Chaplin once said, “A day without laughter is a day wasted,” and we agree. Whether you’re having a bad day or know someone who could use a pick-me-up, laughter is truly the best medicine, and there are so many ways to amuse yourself. If you need a quick pick-me-up, we’ve got a plethora of humorous quotations that are guaranteed to alleviate tension and create a pocket of happiness amidst life’s stresses.
Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening. Our collection of funny quotes which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”
Funny Quotes
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” — Joan Rivers
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
“When I’m feeling down & someone says ‘suck it up’ I get the urge to break their legs and say ‘walk it off’.”
“Me: it’s not about how many times you fall, it’s about how many times you get back up. Cop: that’s not how field sobriety tests work”
“I hate that cashiers have to check if my money is fake if I could counterfeit money I wouldn’t be at dollar general”
“Sarchotic: when you’re so sarcastic, people aren’t sure if you’re joking or if you’re just psychotic.”
“I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.”
“Yikes… One of the voices in my head has a potty mouth today.”
“Well, aren’t you a little ray of pitch black?”
“School life: most irritating moments – morning alarm most difficult task – to find socks most dreadful journey way to class most lovely time -meeting friends most tragic moments – surprise test in 1st period most wonderful news – the teacher is absent.”
Hilarious Quotes
“At my funeral take the bouquet off my coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who is next.”
“Every time you get dressed remember: if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever.”
“I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.”
“Day 1 of quarantine: let’s bake cookies! Day 14 of quarantine: I think I ate too many cookies… Day 28 of quarantine: I am a cookie.”
“I hate when people ask me to “watch their stuff” like what if someone comes and tries to steal it? Do I have to fight them? I’m not ready.”
“Not to brag but I was washing my hands. Before it became trending.”
“A giraffe’s coffee would be cold by the time it reached the bottom of its throat. Ever think about that? No. You only think about yourself.”
“I wanted to go jogging but proverbs 28 :1 says “the wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.”
Funny Quotes About Me
“Me : *uses more than one language while writing on my phone* google autocorrect: I don’t even know what’s real anymore.”
“I see it I like it I want it I check the price I put it back.”
“I yelled “cow!” At a woman on a bike and she gave me the finger. Then she plowed her bike straight into the cow. I tried.”
“When the machines rise against the humans, just pray to god that you’re nowhere near a dildo factory.”
“A guy in the store on his cell said “Susan, I’m in my car on my way” sol yelled, “no he’s not!” Because nobody likes Susan in front of me.”
“This is my cup of care. Oh look, it’s empty.”
“Me not studying but also being aware that every second I spend doing nothing is increasing the probability of my failure but still not being bothered to study but still panicking.”
I Laughed So Hard
“I met a woman crying outside the mall yesterday and I asked her what was wrong. She said she lost $200. So I gave her $40 from the $200 I picked up at the entrance. When god blesses you, you must bless others.”
“You have to be odd to be number one. Dr. Seuss”
“Watch out I’m having one of those days where I’m holding a stick and everyone looks like a pinata”
“I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.”
“Instead of a sign that says: “do not disturb” I need one that says: “already disturbed proceed with caution”.”
Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard
1. “I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out my mouth.”
2. “I live in a panicked state that sits somewhere between “don’t be so hard on yourself” and “success is my only option”.”
3. “I was in a public bathroom one time [female] when this big, loud, fart broke the silence. Then a voice said “mufasaaaaaa.” I couldn’t hold the laughter in after that. Still laugh yrs later.”
4. “I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.”
5. “Friendly reminder that yesterday when my mom took me to Walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said, “sorry, I’m a lesbian.” And he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.” Soda just spewed out my nose that was a plot twist”
6. “How to tell someone that their breath stinks without hurting their feelings: “well I’m bored let’s go brush our teeth!”
7. “I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around”
8. “Police: Where do you live? Me: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Me: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Me: Together Police: Where is your house? Me: Next to my neighbor’s house. Police: Where is your neighbour’s house? Me: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house”
9. “I wanted to go jogging but proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.”
10. “If you don’t use fast food napkins as kleenex in your car, you must be in a whole different tax bracket”
11. “My knight in shining armor turned out to be an asshole in Aluminium foil.”
12. “My friend thinks he is so smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face.”
13. “I am not insane… my mother had me tested… however, have you met my sister?”
14. “When you bite ice cream and your teeth feel like death.”
15. “Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t.”
16. “I miss you like an idiot misses the point.”
17. “Sometimes life bites you in the ass. But thankfully I have enough padding there to take the hit.”
- 75 of the Best Memes | Funny Images Collection
- 35 Funny Memes No Time to Explain
- 78 Sarcastic Funny Good Morning Texts – Best Funny Images For Good Morning
- 87 Cool Funny Animal Memes & Funny Animals Pictures
- Hilarious Memes Of The Day Tail 20 Pics
18. “At my age I’ve – seen it all –done it all –heard it all I just can’t remember it all!!”
19. “So close…”
20. “Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.”
21. “I laughed so hard tears ran down my leg!”
22. “The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.”
23. “Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes, really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce and cheese fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza. ”
24. “If a clown farts do it smell funny?”
25. “I was high last night and realized something.”
26. “Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.”
27. “I call my pen#s batman b*tches to love it when the dark knight rises”
28. “Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died. And yes, it was tragic.”
29. “I shine a laser pointer in my neighbor’s window when they’re gone. Their cat has trashed 3 sets of mini blinds chasing it. They have no idea it’s me. Am I evil? Yes, I am.”
30. “I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, and now I have no idea what’s going on.”
Leave a Reply