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30 Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard

30 Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.

Awesome Short Funny Quotes About Life to Make You Laugh “One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.. Our collection of funny quotes which are short, easy to remember but still hilarious “I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.”

1. “I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else about what comes out my mouth.”

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2. “I live in a panicked state that sits somewhere between “don’t be so hard on yourself” and “success is my only option”.”

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3. “I was in a public bathroom one time [female] when the silence was broken by this big, loud, fart. Then a voice said “mufasaaaaaa.” I couldn’t hold the laughter in after that. Still laugh yrs later.”

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4. “I don’t like making plans for the day because then the word “premeditated” gets thrown around in the courtroom.”

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5. “Friendly remainder that yesterday when my mom took me to walmart she left me alone in the toilet paper section and this guy started hitting on me and I said “sorry, I’m a lesbian.” And he was like “Oh my god I’m so sorry I thought you were a boy.” Soda just spewed out my nose that was a plot twist”

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6. “How to tell someone that their breath stinks without hurting their feelings: “well I’m bored let’s go brush our teeth!”

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7. “I was addicted to the hokey pokey but I turned myself around”

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8. “Police: Where do you live? Me: With my parents. Police: Where do your parents live? Me: With me. Police: Where do you all live? Me: Together Police: Where is your house? Me: Next to my neighbour’s house. Police: Where is your neighbours house? Me: If I tell you, would you believe me? Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house”

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9. “I wanted to go jogging but proverbs 28:1 says “The wicked run when no one is chasing them” so there’s that.”

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10. “If you don’t use fast food napkins as kleenex in your car, you must be in a whole different tax bracket”

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11. “My knight in shining armor turned out to be an asshole in Aluminium foil.”

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12. “My friend thinks he so smart. He said onions are the only food that makes you cry. So I threw a coconut on his face.”

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13. “I am not insane… my mother had me tested… however, have you met my sister?”

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14. “When you bite ice cream and your teeth feel like death.”

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15. “Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don’t.”

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16. “I miss you like an idiot misses the point.”

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17. “Sometimes life bites you in the ass. But thankfully I have enough padding there to take the hit.”

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18. “At my age I’ve – seen it all –done it all –heard it all I just can’t remember it all!!”

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19. “So close…”

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20. “Parenting is mostly just informing kids how many more minutes they have of something.”

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21. “I laughed so hard tears ran down my leg!”

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22. “The problem with stealing quotes off the internet is you never know if they are genuine.”

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23. “Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes, really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce and cheese fine, it was pizza. I ate a pizza. ”

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24. “If a clown farts does it smell funny?”

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25. “I was high at last night and realized something.”

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26. “Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a tupperware lid that doesn’t fit any of your containers.”

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27. “I call my pen#s batman b*tches love it when the dark knight rises”

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28. “Sorry, I can’t today. My sister’s friend’s mother’s grandpa’s brother’s grandson’s uncle’s fish died. And yes, it was tragic.”

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29. “I shine a laser pointer in my neighbor’s window when they’re gone. Their cat has trashed 3 sets of mini blinds chasing it. They have no idea it’s me. Am I evil? Yes, I am.”

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30. “I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got lost on the way back, now I have no idea what’s going on.”

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Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard
Funny Quotes Laughing So Hard

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