Funny, clean Christmas jokes that will get you in the holiday spirit.
1. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
♥ He was hooked on trees his whole life.
2. Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
♥ Because he had very low self-esteem.
3. What does the Grinch do with a baseball bat?
♥ Hits a gnome and runs.
4. What do you call a broke Santa Claus?
5. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
♥ A rebel without a Claus.
6. Why did Frosty ask for a divorce?
♥ His wife was a total flake.
7. Why does Scrooge love reindeer so much?
♥ Because every single buck is dear to him!
8. What do you get when you cross a duck with Santa?
♥ A Christmas quacker.
9. What’s Santa’s favorite snack food?
♥ Crisp Pringles.
10. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
♥ They’re into all the wrapping.
11. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
vNothing. It was on the house!
12. How do you help someone who’s lost their Christmas spirit?
♥ Nurse them back to elf.
13. What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
♥ Anything you want. He can’t hear you!
14. What nationality is Santa Claus?
♥ North Polish.
15. What do you call a blind reindeer?
♥ I have no eye deer.
16. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
17. How is Christmas exactly like your job?
vYou do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
18. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
19. What do you call a scary looking reindeer?
♥ A cariboo.
20. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
21. What’s the absolute best Christmas present?
♥ A broken drum—you can’t beat it!
22. What do reindeer say before they tell you a joke?
♥ This one’s gonna sleigh you!
23. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
♥ Subordinate clauses.
24. What did Adam say to his wife on Christmas?
♥ It’s finally Christmas, Eve!
25. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
vThe Christmas alphabet has No-el.
26. How do you know when Santa’s around?
♥ You can always sense his .
27. What do you call an elf that can sing and dance?
28. Where does Santa keep all his money?
♥ At the local snow bank.
29. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
♥ He was searching for some holiday spirit.
30. Why don’t crabs celebrate Christmas?
♥ Because they’re shell-fish.
31. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
♥ Silent Night.
32. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
♥ Frosted Flakes or Ice Crispies.
33. What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
♥ Santa Pause.
34. Why is Santa kind of scared of chimneys?
♥ Because he’s so claus-trophobic.
35. What do elves learn in school?
♥ The elfa-bet.
36. Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
♥ He had no body to go with.
37. What do you call a cat on the beach on Christmas Day?
38. Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?
♥ Because the present’s beneath them.
39. Why is Santa so good at karate?
♥ Cause he’s got a black belt.
40. What part of the body do you only see around Christmas?
♥ The mistletoe.
41. Where does mistletoe go to get famous?
42. Why is Santa always cast as the lead in the local musical?
♥ Because he has such good .
43. What do you get when you deep fry Santa?
♥ Crisp Cringle.
44. Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
♥ Because it soots him.
45. How do sheep say Merry Christmas in Mexico?
♥ Fleece Navidad.
46. What’s Santa’s favorite candy?
♥ Jolly ranchers.
47. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?
♥ A pineapple!
48. What do you call a snowman that can walk?
49. What do hip-hop artists do on Christmas?
50. What do you call a frog hanging from the ceiling?
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