75 Short Funny Quotes and Funny Wise Sayings
Looking for the best funny phrases and wise words to sayings about life. Here we share 60 short funny quotes and funny wise sayings with beautiful images and funny pictures.
Need a good laugh? Check out 75 funny quotes to make you laugh out loud and improve your day with a few chuckles along the way. These 75 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. Enjoy these funny quotes, a laugh and share with a friend. Funny quotes archive. Funny life quotes, funny sayings, funny love quotes, and more.
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Short Funny Quotes
1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright
2. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me.
3. Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs. 🙂
4. Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.
5. I dream of a better tomorrow… where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
6. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.
7. If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then use the profits to buy an assault rifle. See if life makes the same mistake twice.
8. Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because someone is always sitting on the deck.
9. Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, opportunist.
Funny Quotes to Make You Laugh Out Loud
10. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, they’ll start using it.
11. Never judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. By that time, they’ll be a mile away and barefoot.
12. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?
13. When I die, I wanna go like my grandpa…peacefully…sleeping…not screaming, like the passengers in his car…
14. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge.
15. I went on a diet, stopped smoking dope, cut out the drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
16. Yesterday I did nothing and today I’m finishing what I did yesterday.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted and the time of your life! If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the UP button.
Cool Funny Quotes – Amusing Sayings and Quotations
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.
Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.
A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
The more you weight the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, eat cake.
One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.
The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.
Short Funny Quotes | Funny Life Quotes | Cool Funny quotes and sayings
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Maybe you should eat some makeup so you can be pretty on the inside too.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.
What real romance is? I think a lot of people don’t understand what real romance is. Anyone can buy flowers, candy, and jewelry. The truly romantic things in life are those little things you do every day to show you care, and that you’re thinking of them. It’s going out of your way to make them happy. The way you hold her hand when you know she’s scared, or you save the last piece of cake for him. The random text or call in the middle of the day, just to say “l love you” or “l miss you”. The way he stops to kiss you when he passes by. It’s dedicating her favorite song to her, and letting her eat your fries; telling her she’s beautiful. It’s putting your favorite show on pause so she can tell you about her day, and laughing at his jokes, even the really lame ones. It’s slow dancing in the kitchen and kissing in the rain. Romance isn’t about buying. It’s about giving. True romance is gestures.
Home: Where You Can Say Anything You Want, Because No One Is Listening To You Anyway.
It’s Hard To Find A Friend that’s…. 96% Funny 98% sexy And 100% Sweet so Don’t Lose Me!
Why does the need To pee intensify by a million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house?
Isn’t it freakin’ frustrating when you’re the only person who can see how evil and manipulative someone is, and everyone else is blind to it?
She’s the woman who believes that what comes around goes around. The one who hopes for a better day. The one who won’t give up on you. She’s the woman who’s unlike the rest. The one who spent her days smiling, and her nights crying. She’s the woman who would love to be loved. The one who looks so damn strong, but sometimes feels so weak. She’s the woman who picks herself up every time she falls.
A good man is a woman’s best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comforts her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could’ do. He will make sure she always feels as though she’s the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident. a sexy, seductive, and the invincible person was alive.
Find someone that isn’t afraid to admit they miss you. Someone that knows you’re not perfect but treats you as if you are. Someone who couldn’t imagine losing you. Someone who gives their heart to you completely. Someone who says I love you and proves it. Last but not least, find someone who wouldn’t mind waking up to you in the morning, seeing your wrinkles and grey hair but still falls in love with you all over again.
Short Funny Quotes Images and Funny Pictures
Funny Quotes
Life is supposed to be an erratic wave function, which the wise people have interpreted as a phenomenon with a lot of “ups and downs”, and funny and witty sayings do help in the place where life dips a bit too low. These quotes will help put a smile on your face. Browse our collection of inspirational, wise, and humorous funny life quotes and funny life sayings
