70 Funny Jokes That Will Make You Laugh Out Loud

These smart funny jokes and funny one-liners will have adults and kids laughing until their bellies hurt. I hope these jokes made you smile! here are a few funny jokes:

There aren’t many people who don’t like a good funny joke. After all, there’s something about a one-liner that’s overused and predictable that makes it funny enough to make even the most serious people laugh out loud. Also, it’s very helpful to have a few corny jokes on hand when you need a pick-up line or a way to break the ice at work.

But the best thing about corny jokes is that they can be different for each person. They range from silly knock-knock jokes to eye-rolling dad jokes, so everyone can enjoy them.

Our list of funny jokes, which was put together by experts, is also great for any event. You can scroll through and pick a few that will make everyone laugh at the holiday table or when they open their birthday card.

Want more funny stuff? We also have a lot of jokes about holidays, such as jokes about Thanksgiving, Halloween, Easter, and Valentine’s Day.

• How do you measure a snake? In inches—they don’t have feet.
• What do you get when you cross a snake with a pie? A pie-thon!
• Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.
• What did the right eye say to the left eye? Between you and me, something smells!
• If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toes.
• What do you call someone who can’t stick with a diet? A desserter.

• What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste, mostly.
• Why did the M&M go to school? He wanted to be a Smartie.
• What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
• What does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
• Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
• Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands.
• How did the blonde die ice fishing? She was hit by the zamboni.
• What’s a potato’s favorite form of transportation? The gravy train
• What breaks when you speak? Silence!
• What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
• Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
• Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
• What type of candy is always late? A chocolate.
• What’s an avocado’s favorite kind of music? Guac and roll!

• What did the fish say when he swam into a wall? Dam.
• What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
• Why did the alien go to the doctor? He was looking a little green.
• Where do pirates get their hooks? Secondhand stores.
• What’s the most famous fish? A starfish!
• What do you call a dinosaur with only one eye? A Do-you-think-he-saw-us!
• When is a door not a door? When it is ajar
• Which holiday do cows enjoy most? Moo-Year’s Day!
• How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
• What are a shark’s two most favorite words? Man overboard!
• What did the clock ask the watch? Hour you doing?
• Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
• Why don’t Calculus majors throw house parties? Because you should never drink and derive.
• When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look? Because when you find it, you stop looking.
• What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.

• A teddy bear sits down at a restaurant. The waiter asks, “Would you like anything?” The bear responds, “No, I’m stuffed.”
• Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!
• How did the hipster burn his mouth? He ate the pizza before it was cool.
• Why did the math textbook visit the guidance counselor? It needed help figuring out its problems.
• How did the barber win the race? He knew a shortcut.
• What’s red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator.
• Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
• What did the traffic light say to the traffic light? Don’t look, I’m changing.
• Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.
• A big moron and a little moron were standing on a cliff. The big moron fell off. Do you know why the other one didn’t? Because he was a little more on.
• What does a ghost wear to splash in puddles? BOOOOOOOts.
• Why did the poor man stock up on yeast? To make some dough.
• What did the tomato say to the other tomato during a race? Ketchup.
• How does Lady Gaga like her steak? (sing) Raw-raw-raw-ra-ah-aww
• How much space will be freed in the EU after Brexit? Approximately 1 GB.
• What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.

• Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? In case she needed to draw blood.
• What is a computer virus? A terminal illness.
• The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is… Wait, where are we again?
• What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? “Curses! Foil again!”
• What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account? Prime mates.
• What do you call a musician with problems? A trebled man.
• What did the cheese say when it looked in the mirror? Haloumi!
• What’s a pirate’s favorite county? Arrrrgh-entina!
• What kind of pizza do dogs eat? Pup-eroni pizza!
• What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
• What do you call someone who doesn’t like carbs? Lack-Toast Intolerant.
• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear…
• Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast.
• What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.
• What kind of ghost has the best hearing? The eeriest.
• Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
• What did the big flower say to the little flower? Hey, bud!
• How do trees access the internet? They log in.
• What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
• What’s orange and sounds like a carrot? A parrot.
• What do you call birds that stick together? Vel-crows.
• How does NASA organize a party? They planet.
• How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat? When it’s full.
• What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present? Thanks— I’ll never part with it!
• What’s the best way to burn calories? Leave the pizza in the oven.
• Why did the birthday boy wrap himself in paper? He wanted to live in the present.
• Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.
• What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
• What do you call a famous turtle? A shell-ebrity!
• What is an astronaut’s favorite meal of the day? Launch.
• Where should you go in the room if you’re feeling cold? The corner—they’re usually degrees.